Drowning
by Daughter of Night
Summary: Songfic, implied 1x2x1. Duo's thoughts on Heero and their relationship during the war.


Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing ::sobs::, and the song is Under Water by Delerium. 

A/N: I'm starting to feel embarrassed about my obsession with songfics... I really should try writing something else. Something NOT sappy. ::grins:: Not bloody likely! They're just so kawaii, don't you agree? 

Warning: shounen ai, fluff, sap, but (hopefully) not complete PWP 

"text" = speech   
_text_ = lyrics 

  


**Drowning**

The first thing I noticed about Heero – other than that he was pointing a gun at Relena – was his eyes. Deep blue, beautiful and utterly void of fear, they were as dangerous as the gun he'd dropped when I shot him. He smirked at me, knowing that I couldn't stop him from completing his mission and not caring what happened to him after that. 

It fascinated me, that smirk. 

I was prepared to die for the colonies, for my revenge on the Alliance and OZ, but I wanted to live. Heero… he didn't care, didn't consider his own life to have any worth. 

_Something fearless in your eyes   
Something careless about your smile_

When I broke him out of the Alliance hospital and took him with me to Howard's ship, he seemed less than grateful. He just ignored me and set his broken leg. I was on the verge of regretting my decision to help him when he walked up to the rail and looked down on Wing. I swear he held his breath until the suit was safely onboard. His eyes softened when he looked at it, and I wanted him to look at _me_ like that. 

I offered to help him – with his suit, his missions, anything – but he just brushed me off. That first time and later, when we roomed together in different boarding schools. It was only when his orders specified that I should tag along that he even told me he had a mission. The other times I figured it out from his empty bed. 

_Something fragile when you hold your breath   
And when you move   
You move right through me   
Through me_

Then came the mission when I got shot. 

Heero took the bullet out for me. I was scared shitless, remembering all too well how he treated his own wounds, but he was surprisingly careful. As if he didn't want to hurt me. He cared for me when the fever set in, even skipped classes for me. It was as close to Heaven as I had ever come. His slender fingers would linger on my cheek after he'd checked my temperature. If I hadn't already been lying down, I would most likely have fallen at that touch. 

There's no such thing as a simple touch when it comes to Heero 'invade my personal space and die' Yuy. For him to do something like that… it meant a lot. And that was the first time his eyes softened with me. 

_Fingertips so gently on my skin   
I'm under water   
I feel the flood begin   
Fingertips so gently on my skin   
You're taking over and over again_

It could have been as uncomplicated as attraction coupled with an urge to make him come out of his shell and be more than the soldier J made him. If he hadn't started to lower his guard with me, it would have stayed at that. The moments were rare and only occurred when we were alone. Not even the other pilots ever saw that side of him. It made those quiet little moments all the more important to me; that they were for me, and me alone. 

When unguarded, Heero's eyes are truly windows to his soul. I've never seen eyes so expressive before, and I doubt I ever will. They revealed the true Heero; a sweet, insecure boy who was willing to give his life for others to have a peace he had never known. They made me feel transparent, those eyes – like Heero could see through all the masks and joker's grins I wore and find _me_; Duo Maxwell, Shinigami. 

Those were times when I knew I could love him if he allowed it. I also knew that he wouldn't let me until he believed he deserved it, until he knew that he wouldn't hurt me. And that's why it didn't hurt when the moment passed and the shutters closed, when the shy Heero was replaced by the Perfect Soldier, when the quiet conversation was replaced by 'omae o korosu'; because I knew that the moment would come back and Heero would be my friend again. 

_Shed your armor, spin your web   
Hypnotize me with the longest stare   
Make your promise or maybe it's a threat   
'Cause when you look   
You look right through me_

Of course it was frustrating sometimes, to see him turn inwards. He could clam up in the middle of a sentence and not speak for days. When that happened I knew he'd been about to say something important, either something that mattered to him or something J had forbidden him to talk about. It irked me that he didn't trust me enough to tell me, but with every one of those vulnerable moments he worked himself a bit deeper under my skin. 

_Over again   
Over again   
Under my skin   
Over again_

During the war he only touched me once, knowing that I was very much awake and aware of it. Before and after it only happened when I was sick or wounded and not lucid enough to be certain afterwards if I'd dreamt that careful touch. But that one time was… magical. 

We'd been sparring in the basement of a safe house and he'd just stood up from where he'd had me pinned to the floor. As I sat up he reached out, slowly, to touch my braid. I was surprised and nearly told him to lay off it, but then I caught the look in his eyes. There was such wonder there that my breath hitched. He met my eyes, maybe to ask for permission as he moved his hand from my hair to my cheek. He caressed me so lightly that I barely felt it. I leaned into the touch and whispered to him that I wouldn't break. 

That was the first time Heero ever truly smiled. It was caring, even affectionate, and it made him so beautiful that I couldn't help myself. I turned my head and kissed his palm. 

I heard him gasp, but he didn't pull away and when I looked back up the smile was still there. His eyes were darkened by something more than affection, a deep, swirling blue that not even the sea could compare to; eyes to drown in. 

Then there was the sound of a door slamming upstairs and Heero was gone. I sat there alone for a long time, savoring the memory of the look in his eyes and the feel of his fingers on my skin. 

_Fingertips so gently on my skin   
I'm under water   
I feel the flood begin   
Fingertips so gently on my skin   
You're taking over and over again_

We didn't talk much after that; the war kept us too occupied. It wasn't until that last night on the Peacemillion before the final battle that we had time to ourselves. 

Heero talked then; talked as if he would never get a chance to speak to me again. If I ever had any doubts about him listening to me they disappeared that night. He answered every question I'd ever asked him, in chronological order. Some of them I couldn't even remember, having asked them in passing without expecting him to answer. He told me of his childhood and his training, the men who had ruled his life and made him the Perfect Soldier. 

I'd never realized how similar we were until then. It made me sad to know he'd had even less happiness than I had, but glad that I'd been able to ease his loneliness. It was also a relief to hear him talk about his dreams for the future of the Earth sphere; he spoke like he meant to be there to see it. 

I asked him why he'd suddenly decided to let me in, to allow me to know him. He just looked at me calmly and said; "When I'm with you, I belong. Even if I don't get the chance to see where this battle will take the world, I don't want to hide anymore." 

_We're flesh and bone   
Together and alone   
And we're looking for a home_

After the battle, we returned to Earth. Heero'd mumbled something about wanting to see the ocean again, and I've never been able to refuse him anything. 

We were standing on the porch of the little house Howard'd found for us, staring out at the dark waters reclaiming the shore. The moon painted touches of silver on the waves and bathed the landscape in a pale light. It was an eerie scene. 

Heero slipped an arm around my waist, pulling me a little closer to him. I turned to place my arms around his neck and brush his lips with mine in a chaste kiss. I smiled at him as he tightened his hold of me. 

"Do you know why I wanted to come here again?" he asked me. I could only shake my head and he smiled at my confusion. "Don't you remember? The ocean was what brought us together." 

This time, he kissed me. When he pulled back his eyes where that darkened hue I'd seen only once before, that day in the safe house when I kissed his palm. In the moonlight everything else was robbed of color, but his eyes were still blue. Still warm and caring and maybe even… 

"I love you, Duo." 

_Silver moonlight invades the sky   
Calling gently to the evening tide   
You're unfolding right before my eyes_

We kissed again; longer, slower. Neither of us wanting to give up the feeling of being connected in more ways than the physical. When we did pull back, that sense of belonging stayed with me, and I could see in his eyes that Heero felt the same. 

"I could drown in you," Heero whispered, "but you would keep me safe no matter how far I fall." 

_And when you move   
You move right through me   
Under my skin   
Over again_

"Yes," I whispered fervently, "and you would do the same for me." 

Heero stepped back, forcing me to release my hold of him as he let go of me. He took my hands and interlaced our fingers. 

"Together," he said. "Never alone, only together." 

"Always together, love." I smiled as I leaned in to capture his lips again. After that, we didn't need words. 

_Fingertips so gently on my skin   
I'm under water   
I feel the flood begin   
I'm under water   
I'm under water_

~OWARI~ 

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A/N: So what do you think? Was it too sappy? Not sappy enough? I crave feedback!   
Daughter of Night 


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